that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
