Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
