3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
