Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
