The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
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You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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