beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
