I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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