Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
