The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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