Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
