i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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