the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
