he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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