We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
