another moral hangover. fuck.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
