Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
