Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
