forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
