i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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