I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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