she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
