I puked a lego.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
