First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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