Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
