I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
