just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
