Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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