please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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