why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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