Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
