We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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