i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
