I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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