totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
