I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
