farters have to be the big spoon...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
