He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
