so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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