just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
