you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
40s are totally the cure
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
