I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
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Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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