I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
