There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
