Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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