He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
