I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
