dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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