I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
