i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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