so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm too high and old for this...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
