Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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