i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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