Just cropdusted the office
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
