I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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