sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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