my mouth tastes like poor choices
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
