he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
