I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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