And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
