Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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