He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
