We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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