She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
