Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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