hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
