I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
