He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
