That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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