thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
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make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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