Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
