He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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