I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Bring me that man meat
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
