Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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