I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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