apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
