So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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