I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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