I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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