I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Less talking, more tequila
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
