He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Randomize
