I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
