I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
