this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
