I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
