My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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