I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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