WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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