I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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