The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
